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Archive for September, 2011


I’ve been working a lot this week… 9+ hours each day and yesterday evening we had a work related dinner as well. So when I got home today at 17.45 I was sooo tired! I didn’t even have enough energy to listen to music on my way home, the radio was just too much noise.

I knew how much work is still waiting for me at the office for tomorrow, but also knew that I had to put that behind me if I were to relax at all this evening. So after tidying up a bit I sat down in a chair. And just sat there. For 45 minutes. I slept a bit – 15 minutes maybe – and for the rest of time I was staring into nothingness. I could feel how the buzzing feeling started to seep out of my limbs and how I was feeling more and more relaxed. And I started feeling like myself again. Just be quiet – it helps.

After being quiet for some time I even had the energy to go for a short run which was great. I love how that pushed me the last couple of centimeters towards complete bliss. And how it allowed me to gear up with the newest episode of Glee this evening without feeling too overwhelmed by electronic equipment and noise 🙂

A thing I’ve also been doing to keep stress at bay is lighting candles instead of lamps when I wake up in the morning. Lighting a couple of candles in the bathroom before taking a shower is so relaxing and remind me that I have to give myself time and space.

Tomorrow is yet another day so I’ll jump in bed as soon as I finish baking bread which my husband has to bring to work tomorrow. The things you do… Sleep tight everyone 🙂

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Sometimes I feel like I’m floating around in a place with too much stress, too much  high-tech, too fast-pace and with walls made of iron, stone and metallic spikes. It’s like I’m trapped in an evil action movie where things are blowing up and swords are slashing each other and all I long for is white walls, hearing the ocean, lavender pillows, soft blankets, love and an air of calmness. I long for the place of Gentle.

I love, love, love my job and wouldn’t trade it for the world, even if I had enough money to never having to work. I love waking up in the morning, driving to the office and being part of exciting projects all day long. But I know that I need something to balance the fast-pace environment I work in. I feel like the corporate world can be very “man-ly” and I feel myself toughening up at work. I bring out more of my masculine side and that’s the way I like it to be. But then I want to be a woman when I’m at home. I want to be gentle, I want to live in a world of lavender, cooking, children, love, soft and fluffy sofas, dresses and taking care of things.

I’m 100% for rights of equality in society and of course a woman should have the same options as any man. But in my own home I like to tone down the testosterone a bit. If I am to stay healthy and happy and not get stressed out again, I need to celebrate being a woman. I cook for my husband. I do most of the laundry and the cleaning, although he does help from time to time. I do the grocery shopping, gift shopping and I take care of our vegetables in the yard. I mend his clothes and sometimes I iron his shirts. And I’m also the one creating wonderful evenings of candlelit dinners, warm and hearty meals, intimate conversations and moments of romance. He repairs my bike and the car, hang pictures, fix my computer when I do stupid things to it, clean the drains from sludge and go hunting/motorbiking/sailing with my father. He’s also my rock and keeps me sane when the world starts moving too fast.

Even though I have a demanding job and hardly ever works only 37,5 hours/week I still feel fine by being the one in charge of our home and common life. I don’t know if it’s my maternal instincts, but it makes me feel great to be the “mother earth” figure of the family. And not for one moment do I feel trapped in the tasks. I know that if I truly wanted to, I could ask my husband at any time to take care of more things and he’d do it. I just don’t want to.

I think that the womanly features are celebrated much too little in our society. We all have to be these cool, hip and sharp characters all the time and it doesn’t leave much room for being gentle, soft, calm and loving. At work it’s fine, I want to be cool, hip and sharp person and use my intelligent mind to accomplish great things. But somehow I think it’s taking over my entire life sometimes.
I have to improve on myself, punish myself for not being good enough, thin enough, great enough, for not having enough dinner parties and not seeing friends every night, for not going to enough parties and being out and about all the time. For not being tough enough and not reading enough books on management culture or innovation strategies. But you know what? Most of the time I really just want to be at home. Cooking and taking care of my little family, reading a book while enjoying a foot bath, going to bed early or indulge in late night conversations over a glass of wine with my husband. I don’t want to be “out there” all the time. I don’t want messages from the world constantly pounding my mind all, telling me where the next hip bar is or what suit to wear tomorrow. I want balance in my life. I want to be gentle to myself and others.

Yoga is helping me do that. My diary, my kitchen, my husband, my family, my vegetables growing and my love of reading is helping me do that. If I move too far into the testosterone world then I get stressed out. It can’t all be action and metal, sometimes it just has to be feathers and forgiveness.

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Focus


What I’m focusing on having in my life:
– Love
– Vitamins
– Oils
– Runs
– Books
– Stillness
– Yoga

I’m doing great on love and books, the other things need a revival.

I’ve only run once this week so far due to shin splints and I want that to be more.

Vitamins and oils have been neglected and now that we’re moving into Autumn I want to add those specifically to my daily intake as well. Right now I’m only doing probiotics.

Stillness and yoga… These nothing more to say than I need it…

Note that this is all about wanting, not because I should. What do you want?

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Listening


Last night I sat in our sofa. We had candlelights on the table, I had warm, sweet tea in my mug and my husband was playing music from his computer. And I listened. I just sat there and listened. No reading with music in the backgrounds, no talking over the tunes. And it was amazing…
I love music but find that too often I am doing all sorts of things while it’s playing and I’m not really listening. Bad habit…

Multitasking must be created by the devil. It is much too demanding and breaks you up in a thousand pieces, not being able to focus. It is stressful and it doesn’t allow you to experience all of the nuances of life.

One piece of advice from a former stress-o-holic is to try doing only one thing at a time. Stop and smell the roses. Drink a warm cup up tea and enjoy the sensation of that first hot sip trickling down your throat. Don’t always bring out your phone or ipod when you’re biking or waiting for the bus. Sense life…

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I simply am


Source: Allicoate

… so I’m not on the computer much these days. I’ve been celebrating my wedding anniversary with the most wonderful husband in the world at a spa-hotel, I’m enjoying life and attempting to be quiet some more.

I hope you’ve discovered the gift of quiet time. If not, I want to give it to you now. So find a comfy chair. Place it in front of the window if you like. I do. Light a candle. Sit down. Be quiet. Overcome the urge to do something all the time. Just be…

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