I’m sick yet again. I’ve been struggling with illness ever since my last post which is more than 2 weeks and I’m sick of it (haha). Today I finally broke down and went to the doctors who gave me antibiotics for a mycoplasma infection – no wonder I’m not getting better if I have a nasty bacterial infection…
I’ve been scolding my body so much for the past weeks. “Why won’t you get better! Come on, get your act together. You’re not that sick, you can go to work/to the supermarket/to a family gathering/bake 500 Christmas cookies/run 10K.” No acceptance whatsoever of me actually being sick.
Now I’m lying here on the couch while once again attempting to work a bit throughout the day, and I came to think of the term “In sickness and in health”. I said yes to loving my husband in sickness and in health and if he’s sick I don’t think he’s weak in any way. I snuggle him, take care of him and just want him to relax as much as possible. But when it’s myself I just can’t seem to be gentle. This is one of the things I wish most in the world: to become more gentle and accepting towards myself.
Becoming more gentle and accepting is something I’ve been working on for years now, but perhaps I’m still not taking it seriously enough because there’s no doubt that I’m not there yet. I’m not where I want to be and I’m still too harsh on myself in a million of situations. How did you learn to be more gentle and accepting?
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Just found a link to this video which reminded me how an effing obscene amount of time women spend trying to improve themselves, present company (unfortunately) included. And then I saw this and it just underlined it:
And then I started thinking some more about feeling that you are not good enough. Not necessarily beauty-wise but in general.
An example: I’m sick today. I have a fever, a crazy sore throat and the energy equivalent to that of someone who just ran 100 miles (i.e. nothing at all). But I still feel like if I take the day completely off work, I’m not good enough. I’m not a good employee if I’m not working a couple of hours from my bed… My husband thinks I’m crazy, tells me that if I’m sick, well then I’m sick and I should stay in bed without working. He’s probably right. So why is it I still feel like I do? No matter how sick I am, I still feel like I’m somehow “cheating” – it’s insane…
So here’s to respecting yourself. To not beating yourself up about your looks and calling yourself fat if you are actually within the range of normal weight. To not working when you are sick but respecting your body’s signals. To saying “no” when you mean “no”. To being true to yourself.
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In 14 hours the start goes for my 15 K run at Nike Marathon Start Up 2011 – I’m excited! The course seems a little dull (3x the same 5K) but I think it’s going to be great none the less. It’s going to be a grey morning and hopefully no rain which is perfect in my opinion
Today I’ve been relaxing with some baking, knitting and reading, but I must say that meeting a lot of runners on a walk this morning made me want to strap on my shoes and go for a run today as well. But seeing as my legs have been immensely heavy this week during all of my runs, I think it was a good idea to give them another day of rest (haven’t been out since Thursday). And my time has been well spent, baking cinnamon/orange breakfast muffins and starting on a new knitted blanket for the cold winter months.
I’m crossing my fingers for a great run tomorrow. If everything goes well I am contemplating signing up for a half marathon on the morning of December 31st – what a great way to end the year, right? And a half marathon is something I really want under my belt in 2011, so I guess the 31st is my last chance. It is also a great motivation for running in the dark months so I’m reeeally close to signing up…
Anything you want to accomplish for 2011 which you haven’t gotten round to yet?
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Some days you just gotta listen to your body. Like right now where I should be tidying the apartment and preparing for an hour of work, but instead I’m on the sofa with sooooo heavy legs after today’s run. And it’s ok…
Today I’m inspired by some quotes from Kim McMillen’s “When I loved myself enough” which is in my opinion one of the best books ever written. Sometimes I just open it at a random page and become instantly inspired and a bit calmer inside. These quotes were the ones hitting it home for me today:
“When I loved myself enough I began to know I was in the right place at the right time and I could relax”
I don’t need to constantly consider if my life is good enough. Things are exactly as they should be, and when they change, that is exactly the way it should be as well…
“When I loved myself enough I felt compelled to slow down way down. And that has made all the difference.“
Slow is nice. Everything in life needs something to counter it. Balance is key to my happiness. That thought makes me feel calm…
Buy the book – actually buy a couple and give them to people you love. Buy it, read it and notice how life starts to make sense.
Life is good. And it’s even better with hot Chai tea so I’m off to the kitchen.
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I’m running a lot at the moment and love it so much! But today I must say that it truly was a challenge to get through… 6 miles in the pouring rain, 7 degrees Celsius, incredible heavy legs (which meant an incredibly slow run) and I ended up actually managing to get lost – some runs are just crazy like that
Can anyone guess at which mile I noticed that I didn’t know where I was?
Yup, mile 4 – that’s the one. Actually now that I look back it was kind of funny. I ventured out on a route which actually had signposts but somehow I overlooked one and ended up in the middle of nowhere. At least the horses in the fields around me looked as cold and puzzled as I was… Luckily I brought my phone which allowed me to check the GPS – technology saves the day! Cool fact about the route: It’s called ResearcherRoute (ForskerRuten in Danish) which makes a geek like me giggle
But one thing that for sure made this adventure in the rain all worth it, was coming home to my husband, taking a hot shower and eating homemade burgers in the sofa. Is there anything more rewarding than a hot shower when your legs feel like lead?
I actually just started using the RunKeeper app for Android (runkeeper.com) and it was pretty good. So nice to be able to track my actual running distance by GPS as I do not own a GPS watch. It’s on the wishlist though, as my HTC is a bit heavy to run with.
I’m doing a 15 K (9,3 miles) race on Sunday so I hope my legs will feel better by then. I’m boosting them by lying on the sofa with hot chocolate, blankets and a warm husband – pure bliss…
In good news I’m not at all stressed at the moment. I feel wonderful! Lots of running, some of it alone and some of it with a dear friend, does me good. Baking cinnamon/pumpkin-pie-spice bread and drinking tea does as well. Taking hot showers, going into work feeling happy and reading this book are also making me feel amazing and not at all like I ever suffered from stress.
I gotta love me some stories from Ireland with the complicated lives of long-time friends. Autumn just calls for good reads in my book.
Tomorrow is another day of running with a good friend, great projects at work and an evening of cooking. I’m thinking a bit about writing a cookbook, something I’ve been considering for years now, and perhaps 2012 will be the year where it is actually finalized. Which of course means lots of cooking, baking and eating to do
Have a great evening!
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I’m actually not too busy at the moment. Or… I could probably be so if I chose to, but I don’t. I try to go home after 8-9 hours of work, I haven’t got very many social arrangements and I have quite a lot of time to spend on myself. Reading, cooking, relaxing and spending a lot of time in my running shoes…
So why do I feel like I need to be busy? It’s like you’re more important in today’s society if you are constantly hanging by a thread, running from one event to another, working each night or have a thousand things to do at home. Am I a more important person with a better and more exciting life if I’m really busy? Or am I just more stupid?
A year or two ago I would have thrown myself into a million extra projects, not being able to relax and just enjoy being. I still like to have a lot to do when I’m at work, I hate to be bored or have too much time on my hands during the day. I enjoy working late once in a while. But actually I quite enjoy to have time to myself every night. And if that’s boring – well then maybe I just have to accept that I’m boring I’m off to my yoga mat for some quiet time…
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I’ve been working a lot this week… 9+ hours each day and yesterday evening we had a work related dinner as well. So when I got home today at 17.45 I was sooo tired! I didn’t even have enough energy to listen to music on my way home, the radio was just too much noise.
I knew how much work is still waiting for me at the office for tomorrow, but also knew that I had to put that behind me if I were to relax at all this evening. So after tidying up a bit I sat down in a chair. And just sat there. For 45 minutes. I slept a bit – 15 minutes maybe – and for the rest of time I was staring into nothingness. I could feel how the buzzing feeling started to seep out of my limbs and how I was feeling more and more relaxed. And I started feeling like myself again. Just be quiet – it helps.
After being quiet for some time I even had the energy to go for a short run which was great. I love how that pushed me the last couple of centimeters towards complete bliss. And how it allowed me to gear up with the newest episode of Glee this evening without feeling too overwhelmed by electronic equipment and noise
A thing I’ve also been doing to keep stress at bay is lighting candles instead of lamps when I wake up in the morning. Lighting a couple of candles in the bathroom before taking a shower is so relaxing and remind me that I have to give myself time and space.
Tomorrow is yet another day so I’ll jump in bed as soon as I finish baking bread which my husband has to bring to work tomorrow. The things you do… Sleep tight everyone
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