Busy bee and those unhealthy feelings

I’ve been really busy at work today, but I have to say that luckily I truly enjoy what I do, even when it’s crazy-busy! When I came home I was really tired, and I just needed some kitchen therapy and some relaxing. We spent the evening eating in the backyard and playing cards with our neighbours which was great. But now I can feel how I am in need of some time by myself. There’s a thunderstorm right now here in Copenhagen, the rain is pouring down and I’m going to dig out my yogamat and a candle for just 10-15 minutes of stretching and breathing. I need to center and balance myself… Afterwards I’m gonna go to bed with a magazine for a bit of quiet time, before falling asleep. I need to get up at 6.15 tomorrow, and if I by any chance wake up earlier, I could really use a morning run. But I somehow doubt that I’ll get up before 6

I’ve had some negative and unhealthy feelings and thoughts tonight, which I thought I’d share with you. Saying it out loud (and writing it) makes me realize how stupid it is, which is good.
As I said, I’ve been busy today. This meant that I ate lunch in 10 minutes (not good!) and haven’t had time to get in touch with myself. I had a small piece of homemade chocolate cake and an ice-coffee tonight and straight away I started banging myself in the head for eating this. Talking about all of the weight which I will now gain and blah blah blah. Even though that cake and ice-coffee is by NO MEANS more than 500 calories combined – which is a high estimate. And I have room for 3-500 extra calories some days, as I keep my intake around 1400. But I’m just beating myself up about eating it anyways. Not good – and very obsessive behaviour which I SO need to stay away from.

I’m also beating myself up for not taking a run today. I’m so afraid that if I take one day off from running, I’ll just fall back into my old patterns, and won’t come out running tomorrow either -and then it starts rolling. Once again it’s very negative thinking. I might have disappointed myself so many times before, that now I just don’t believe that I can hold on to the good habit. But I’m going to prove my ridiculous brain wrong this time!

One thing’s for sure: It’s the negative thoughts that will make me fall back into the old patterns. Not one day without running (but with a bit of yoga).

Phew… It was great to get it out in writing. Do any of you recognize these feelings? Beating yourself up for taking one day of doing something other than “the plan”? Before I get rid of these negative feelings I won’t consider myself healthy, as it is by no means healthy to think negative thoughts like that.

P.S.: Actually I just did a small yoga session from the wonderful Polly called “Yoga for digestion” and today that was exactly what I needed. She also says not to worry about having eaten something you might not feel like you shouldn’t have eaten. She’s talking to me!